Put a Bib on It

It’s not a race, right?


Babies meeting developmental milestones: it's not a race!When I was pregnant, counting down the weeks with other expectant mamas was a great comfort. We were experiencing many of the same joys, reading the same labor books, barfing up the same prenatal vitamins. I imagined that having children around the same age would be even better, that we’d all be sleep deprived and crabby about pediatricians together.

But what I’ve found instead is the awful urge to compare, constantly, what their babies are doing and mine isn’t.

I know that all babies develop at their own pace, and that it’s not a competition. It’s still incredibly difficult not to worry when even the way we talk about our babies is often centered around what milestone they have or haven’t met yet. I might ask a friend how her day was, or where she went for lunch or what she’s reading. But with Miss E, it’s usually, “Is she rolling over yet?” or “Have you started solids?” 

I’m not worried that she’s not perfect, because she is. When I worry, I’m wondering if there isn’t something I’ve done wrong that’s holding her back, or something I could have done more of. And I know I’ve got to get used to feeling this way for the rest of her life, or better still, let it go. Follow her cues. Know that I’m doing the best that I can.

Because today was lovely. Because she’s nursing well. Because together we read Goodnight Moon and she touched the pages and reached for my face, made the little, curious sounds my husband and I love so much. Because whatever she does tomorrow, it will be in her own time, in her own way.

Author: Jillian Kuhlmann

Mama. Nerd. Writer.

5 thoughts on “It’s not a race, right?

  1. Every mum and dad worry about the same things good to know I’m not alone I try my best not to compare but it’s hard , I’ve worked in childcare for 12 yrs, so I get the “sure you know everything about encouraging childrens development ” and I spent years reassuring parents that little Johnny / Jane will do everything at their own pace. Now i have my own liittle girl its Very hard to practise what I preched.

  2. I have a really hard time not comparing Ev to the children in his child care class or the other children in our family. Like E, he is perfect so I’m not concerned or anything. I guess I’m just competitive by nature and it rears it’s ugly head as I’m raising a child.

  3. Pingback: Baby, I Choose You | Put a Bib on It

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