Put a Bib on It

This Mommy Doesn’t Want to Go to War

4 Comments

We’re all devoted to our children. How we choose to birth or feed or clothe them (or diaper or sleep train or teach) doesn’t change that.Lots of things have made me angry lately: a father’s case against breastfeeding, a mother dismissing (in an admittedly funny way) any notion that she or anybody else could get through a natural labor and delivery, and feeling like maybe I was being told to stay home with my daughter all day for her own good. My gut reaction is to write an impassioned tirade in response, and while I’ve stopped and started writing several times, I’ve never finished. And there’s a good reason.

I think we’d all be much better parents (and a billion times happier people) if we could stop being defensive about the choices we’ve made and just feel good about them. In a conversation with a friend we discussed how we sometimes feel like we can’t be proud of the fact that we’re still exclusively breastfeeding because it feels like it makes mamas who’ve made different choices feel bad or guilty. But nursing, just like everything else about being a parent, is super hard work. I want my friend to feel like she’s She-Ra (because she is) and I want the same for my friends whose heartbreaking struggles with nursing those early weeks lead them in a different direction. Because I’ve been there. And because we’re all devoted to our children. How we choose to birth or feed or clothe them (or diaper or sleep train or teach) doesn’t change that.

It’s hard not to assume I’m being judged, not to lay in bed at night and think of witty retorts for when someone (seems to) side-eye me for wearing my daughter. And not just because I ought to be sleeping. Because it really doesn’t matter. If I can and do accept another mom for who she is and how she parents, I’m going to make a better assumption: that she’s doing the same for me.

So tell me something you’re doing that you deserve to feel good about. Because I’m sure it’s not one but a hundred things.

Author: Jillian Kuhlmann

Mama. Nerd. Writer.

4 thoughts on “This Mommy Doesn’t Want to Go to War

  1. I hate the term mommy. Drives me nuts. I wrote this mommy war bullshit and I purposely used the term mother. Anyway, love your blog.

    • Strange how these words have so much baggage. We use mommy and mama a lot around here, but they’re both still like alien critters to me… pretty curious to see which one she picks up. Thanks for reading!

  2. You’re welcome. I meant to say I wrote a post about “mommy wars” as a thing. My son calls me mommy, too. I just sort of hate how the media uses the term “mommy” to kind of undermine and trivialize the importance of issues that effect motherhood.

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