Put a Bib on It

Self-Care is a Joke


2014-08-07_1407369683It was 11:30 at night and I was in my kitchen mixing up a batch of sweet potato muffins for my daughter’s classroom (guidelines for birthday celebrations involved bringing a snack that was as “nutritious as possible,” and I was bound and determined to deliver). I’d already spent most of the night working after a full day of mothering, our sink was full of dishes, our bedroom full of baskets of laundry that had yet to be folded, and all I wanted to do was lay down, preferably right in the middle of the floor, and cry.

But I finished baking the muffins.

I know I’m not taking good care of myself, but self-care when you’re working full-time, parenting a toddler and eight months pregnant is. A. Joke.

I try, I really do. But even when I force myself to lay down and take a nap, at least 60 percent of the time I end up lying in bed fretting over all of the things I’m not doing. I don’t get out of bed, mind, because I lack the will and energy to actually do them, and I don’t want my husband to stop offering me a break because of my inability to actually take one. He doesn’t need to know that when I can’t sleep I just play Candy Crush.

Still, last week I had a morning to myself and he treated me to breakfast. I had every intention to write or edit or get caught up on something, but instead, I ordered the three things on the menu that looked the most delicious and nursed an iced coffee while reading a book. Those two blissful hours got me through the rest of the week.

I have four weeks, give or take, before baby comes, and while I have a very long list of projects I’d like to complete before that happens, I think I ought to just write “me” on there a dozen times or so to even things out. Because it won’t get any easier with two, and I probably won’t get any better at learning to relax.

But with Miss E in school three days a week, at least I can cluster feed a newborn while watching Netflix on my couch. I’ll take it.

Author: Jillian Kuhlmann

Mama. Nerd. Writer.

2 thoughts on “Self-Care is a Joke

  1. I don’t know how, but these blogs are always so perfectly timed! My husband and I *just* had a conversation about this a few days ago. I told him I feel like my priorities go: being a mom, being a wife, being an employee, then me. I have a hard time justifying to myself to take the time to care for myself when I have housework to do or work-work to finish, but I also recognize that I’m not as good of a mom, wife, or employee if I’m getting sucked into an emotional sinkhole. If you figure out how to give guilt-free permission to put yourself higher on the priority list, let me know!! 🙂

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