I’ve written before about how much we adore our child care provider: she is warm, caring and respectful towards my son and our family. Now the problem isn’t about whether my child care provider is good enough, but rather, is she too perfect?
For the last week, whenever I have gone to pick up Bryce he has screamed and flailed as I carry him out the door. He will reach for her to take him back, and if I let him go to her he will actually stop throwing a tantrum mid-scream!
When these melt downs occur, I can’t help but to have some unpleasant thoughts swirling in my head: Am I not spending enough time with him? Is she better at meeting his needs? What must the other parents that are picking up at the same time be thinking about the kind of mother I am? Does my child care provider think that I am harming my son and that’s why he dislikes me? Does he love her more?!
I feel frustrated and discouraged, leaving her home carrying my child and trying to protect myself from his little flailing arms. I just want him to be as excited as I am to see him after a long day of being apart. I want to see his little face light up with that great big smile of his as he waddles over to give me a great big hug.
Honestly, I think he just loves both houses. He is often in the middle of play time when I show up and I’m sure we can all agree we don’t want to leave a place when we are having fun! I am glad that he trusts and loves his child care provider, and that he feels safe there. But, when I go to carry my screaming child from her house, I can’t help but question my abilities as a parent and go back to feeling pretty inadequate.
But, I know my child loves me and that’s what I need to remember in those moments. I know he loves me because he smiles when he sees me first thing in the morning. I know because he holds me tight when he wants a little bit longer of a hug. I know because sometimes he can’t be consoled by anyone else but me.