Put a Bib on It

Feeling Guilty, Party of One


guiltyI know this is a recurring theme in our blog—in fact it’s the reason this blog exists—but being a mom is hard. I’m a working mom, and lately that’s been weighing on me.

Since Ev was 9-weeks-old, he has been in child care. It was the single hardest experience of my life—to leave him in the care of someone else—but since it was a high-quality program with child care providers I trusted, I was able to make peace and feel confident in my decisions.

But I’m feeling guilty. It started a few weeks ago when Ev’s class was having a party and parents were invited to participate. He’s had a few parties since he has been in that classroom and I’ve attended some and not others. He didn’t seem to notice (or be bothered) either way, so this time I didn’t put it in my calendar. On the morning of the party Ev asked, “My teacher told me some parents are coming and some aren’t…are you coming?” When I told him I wasn’t, he got really sad and asked several times if there was any way I could. I felt so bad because I had some meetings that I just couldn’t get out of or reschedule at the last minute. Luckily, I have a great friend who has twins in Ev’s class. As soon as I dropped him off I asked her if she was going. She was—so I told her the story and asked if she’d give Ev a little extra attention. She sent me some encouraging texts and pictures so I could see Ev was having a good time. It was comforting, but I still wished I would have planned to go.

Going back to work/school after the holiday break is hard on everyone. I read somewhere that January is like the “Monday” of months and it couldn’t be truer. Recently in the morning, Ev has been saying things like, “I just want to stay home and snuggle with you,” and “I only want to be with you.” It breaks my heart to tell him that while I feel the same way, I have to work and that means he has to go to school. I’ve been staying with him in his classroom until he finds something of interest to get engaged with and when I leave he is quite content, but it hasn’t kept me from worrying.

Whether you are a working parent or a stay-at-home parent, you are still a good, hard-working parent, and your children are lucky to have you. When it gets tough, it’s important to remember that.

5 thoughts on “Feeling Guilty, Party of One

  1. Sadie, and Craig are doing an amazing job with Ev! Love you all

  2. This made me tear up. I’ve been there and it is so hard every time! You’re a good mommy. Ev is lucky to have you! ❤️

  3. This breaks my heart and also touches me deeply. Sadie, I volunteered at Randal’s daycare (worked at night) and they banned me from helping at her grade school at around the 5th grade to give other parents a chance. I don’t know who had the worse case of separation anxiety! And maybe I should’ve let go more but I never did and I never will. Happiness for my child comes before anything. Always. There is no harder ‘job’ than a working mom’s. I don’t get that in 2016 moms still have to do it all when it comes to childcare. He is getting bigger every day. It gets soo much better so just throw that guilt away. Guilt is a useless emotion. I heard that somewhere and it stuck with me. You’re a wonderful beautiful brilliant person. Ev is such a lucky little guy. You are doing great.

  4. Moms (including you Sadie) let go of the guilt now. Accept that there will be many times through the course of your child’s life when you can’t be there for them. Don’t look at this as a fault of yours but as a planned learning experience for your kiddo. What a great opportunity for him to try out those resiliency skills you’ve been fostering. And how about the A+ to both of you for all of the work you’ve done thus far on communication that he had the words and was intuitive enough to express his feelings to you. You are a good mom, you will miss parties, you are a good mom.

  5. Thanks for all the comments, stories and most of all the support. If anything can make being a parent a littlie easier, it’s having folks who are empathetic and understanding.

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