We recently implemented a new rule in our house. No iPad on school days/nights. Prior to that, we had been allowing Ev to have his iPad before and after school. Admittedly, it was helpful—a crutch of sorts. In the morning, Ev would get on his iPad and I could drink my coffee/do my hair and make-up in peace. And in the evenings we could make dinner and complete other chores waiting to get done like emptying the dishwasher. Ev never spent more than two hours total on any given day but it did start to control his life.
Ev was becoming obsessed with his iPad, addicted even, maybe. It was starting to ruin our mornings. Even with warnings when it was time to go, it was a struggle. He always wanted five more minutes to play whatever game he was playing. Then I would get frustrated with him and the domino effect would continue from there. I can’t believe I am admitting this in writing, but I even began letting Ev bring his iPad in the car. Honestly, I just didn’t want to have the battle. But then I was missing out on time with Ev on days when our time together feels so limited. In the evening, it would be the same; Ev would rush to his iPad and then get so upset when it was time for dinner—time to turn it off. That battle would ruin dinner. He would refuse to eat while my husband and I were trying to eat. We’d give him warnings; saying things like, “When dinner is over, you will not be able to eat,” and, “If you choose not to eat now, you will not get another chance.” But even so, Ev would wait until we were finished with dinner and then say he was ready. But dinner was over and we felt strongly that we should not give in. We like dinner time to be a family re-connection time where we talk about our days and enjoy each others company. It was quickly becoming not enjoyable.
After some discussion, we implemented the no iPad on school days/nights rule. It’s been about three weeks and we have noticed a positive change. Granted the transition wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies (although it didn’t take nearly as long as I expected for Ev to adjust to the change). One time Ev had to call me out. My husband was on a business trip so it was just the two of us. I pulled out my iPad at dinner and Ev immediately told me it wasn’t fair that he didn’t get to have his. On a recent morning Ev asked if he could have his iPad and when I reminded him of the rule he told me he didn’t care if he rotted his brain and he didn’t want to be smart. Apparently those are some of my words from some point in the past.
Our mornings are smoother and full of good conversation. (Today on the ride to school Ev told me he wanted a pet bird and then changed his mind to a snake and then changed his mind to a spider and then we talked about what was necessary for proper care-taking). Dinner time is better. Most evenings Ev eats with us and we enjoy our time together. The decision didn’t come lightly. We knew in our brains that losing the iPad on week days was the healthier, more appropriate choice but we also knew in our hearts Ev was going to be bummed. It’s good our brains over powered our hearts this time because we are all better off for it.